Some People Are Working Toward Goals They Don't Actually Want.

A person can tell you they want to build a business and then spend almost none of their available time building it.

You meet with them, they say they need to get serious, and you agree on what they're going to do. A few weeks later, you're having essentially the same conversation.

It's easy to call that a discipline problem. Sometimes that's exactly what it is.

I've also learned to ask a different question before I start pushing somebody harder.

Do they actually want the thing they're saying they want?

People make commitments for complicated reasons. They like the people involved. Somebody has helped them, and they feel they owe that person something.

They remember being excited about a goal two years ago and haven't really considered whether their life has changed since then.

If you're the leader, there's a temptation to take their words at face value. They said they want to do it, so your job is to hold them accountable.

I don't think that's always good coaching.

I'd rather start by asking what they want their life to look like over the next few years. Forget my business for a minute. Forget what would make the team happy. Tell me what you're actually trying to accomplish.

Then we have to put those things in order. Somebody might want to start a fitness brand, compete in an athletic event, build a business, buy a house, and spend more time with family. Those are all reasonable things to want.

They don't all get to be number one.

I like asking which one they'd choose if they could only have one. Then which of the remaining goals they'd choose next. It's uncomfortable, but it forces a kind of clarity that a list of equally important ambitions doesn't provide.

After that, we look at the habits and time each goal would require, and compare them with the person's actual week.

If the two don't line up, we have something specific to talk about.

Sometimes the answer is that the business matters less to them than we thought. They want to participate, learn, and make a little money, but they don't want to organize their whole life around it. I can live with that.

What I don't want is somebody saying the business is their highest priority because they think that's what I need to hear. They'll feel guilty, I'll keep asking for more, and neither of us will be dealing with reality.

I may lose some activity by having that conversation honestly. I think the people who decide to build will be more committed, and the people who don't will have a better relationship with their own choices.

Even if the numbers don't improve, I still think it's the right way to work with people.

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